Not really a review, more of just James and I talking during the movie via the interwebz.

me: so im watching the new pokemon movie; you would think that after 12-14 years of not being able to capture pikachu, jessie, james and meowth would call it quits

also ash doesnt seem to be on a good track to being a pokemon master

using ember against a water type pokemon….noob

james: Yeah but ash always picks some random so he can learn the lesson that water put out fire

me: seems like the people of the pokemon universe don’t learn quickly

james: Also shouldn’t ash be in his 20s by now. I feel like he’s still like 13. Probably why he doesn’t learn very quickly

me: i think his voice is slightly deeper so maybe like 15

the pokemon on the cover of black and white are dragon type?

they look like birds

james: Yeah. I never got that far though. And pretty sure they looked like dragons

me: the white one looks like a bird

the black one looks like a black reptar

james: Slightly. But it’s got hands on its wings

Apparently the white on is fire. It’s not even red that doesn’t make sense

me: white fire

super hot

so hot he’s legendary

james: Ah makes sense

Cod? Or you too busy watching the poke mans

me: i can pause the pocket monsters

oh, googled this pokeman movie and apparently it’s a 2movie pack and I only have 1

black and white

judging by the cover, it’s 2 different stories

I was slightly disappointed in this movie. The commercials made it seem cool but it isn’t all that great. If I paid to watch this in theaters, I would’ve felt as if it wasn’t worth my money. What also disappointed me was that during the Skrillex cameo, there were no wubs or unces.

Overall, there were a couple of funny moments but it just wasn’t what I expected the movie to be.

1 OMG
2 LOL

Suits: Doesn’t seem as good as previous seasons, but still good enough.

Archer: Still pretty awesome. Might need more tactical-necks.

Workaholics: Still hilarious

How I met your mother: why am I still watching this show? It’s terrible

Chicago fire: meh. New episodes still meh

New shows:

Legit: Pretty damn hilarious

The Americans: Off to a pretty good start. Kinda pushing it for a few things though

House of Cards: good. Really good

So this is a movie with Victoria Justice. It’s probably about stuff and junk. I don’t know. Victoria Justice.

This will be another one of those live post thingies that I share with you my thoughts throughout the movie. I will also be playing cod at the same time.

Update 1: starting out in shower. Cool

Update 2: “where are my boobs?” LULZ

Update 3: dads dead? Feel like this will be an annoying unnecessary plot point

Update 4: Nerdy guy from project x. Wish there were as many boobs in this as project x had

Update 5: Porsche bro is all like: dat ass

Update 6: she managed to get out of that embarrassing moment by being really really ridiculously good looking

Update 7: other chick: sexy cat

Update 8: Kid why you gotta make such a creepy face when digging in the hole. It’s creepy

Update 9: he sent that bitch a smiley. Bitches love smileys

Update 10: damn kid. Watch ya language

Update 11: lol. A peterfile

Update 12: Gives kid sugar even though candy is right in front of him. Dick

Update 13: way to abduct a child their bro

Update 14: lulz. “You naired your butt?”

Update 15: eww. She touched his hand

Update 16: “omg. My ass is killing the cat”

Update 17: wait. Did she lose the kid and not give a shit? Might have missed something. But I probably haven’t

Update 18: he gonna get raped. By fat people

Update 19: fat kid loves pirate chicken

Update 20: oh. They are looking for the kid. Driving around randomly looking for the kid will surely be effective

Update 21: I’m sure he gets jacked up

Update 22: I guess wedgies are still cool?

Update 23: 20 second boob grab? That’s a damn good deal

Update 24: And he added the stipulation of it being a cold day

Update 25: “perds” wtf does that mean?

Update 26: chicken humping car? So unnecessary. But funny

Update 27: pretty sure there’s more to setting up a flint pistol that they call a musket

Update 28: pigtail chick. Pretty hot

Update 29: Johnny Knoxville. You’re a dick

Update 30: old dude is fapping to fifty shades of grey

Update 31: “or is it regular retardant”

Update 32: sexy cat: You lost a kid, lets not worry about that and try to get you laid

Update 33: professional grade dog poo

Update 34: he called the shit poop

Update 35: not sure if character is supposed to be wearing a wig or director just didn’t give a shit that it was falling off

Update 36: he just jizzed in his pants

Update 37: the emotions

Update 38: now they’re trying to give this an actual story with like a lesson or something? I’m not buying it

Update 39: so it was just a wig. Or director was really really lazy

Update 40: pretty sure you could just call the cops. Bro has an abducted kid locked in his house. Ain’t nobody else getting in trouble for that

Update 41: you’s gonna get raped

Update 42: ah yes, 8 year old terrorist

Update 43: let him call the cops you dumbass

Update 44: I guess the kid is just fully retardant

Update 45: and he’s getting naked in front of a kid

Update 46: stop trying to make an actual story here

Update 47: I feel like he’s using half the lines he used in project x

Update 48: I don’t like project x bro making out with my Victoria

Update 49: go pro lunchbox. Pretty cool

Update 50: HELLO IM WREN AND IM COOL

Update 51: apparently kid isn’t retardant at all

Update 52: oh it was directed by josh Schwartz

REVIEW

Had no idea what I was watching coming into this except Victoria Justice. And it delivered on that end. And it was pretty funny. The tacking on an actual story was pretty bad and it kinda teetered off toward the end. But overall, entertaining

3 OMGs (for miss justice)
3 LOLs (you naired your butt?)

This will be a live review. My thoughts while I watch what I assume will be a masterpiece.

Update 1: 5 seconds in. Boobs

Update 2: oh a camera? I bet they’re going to “accidentally” film nakedness.

Update 3: and called it.

update 4: chanting of boobies. +1 to LOLs

update 5: lulz. Small penis jokes

update 6: they’re excited they drove through Houston. There goes the believability.

update 7: “a spring…..break?” Umm really? Also, pretty sure that’s a diesel

update 8: guess that’s part of the plot. Don’t know why that caused swerving everywhere though

update 9: dumbass one seems like the best character. Also really hot

update 10: useless ass grab. +.25 to LOLs

update 11: been a while since we showed some boobs. Strip club scene it is

update 12: its 5 people. Get pretty much any car

update 13: oh there are 69 instruments in it. Missed that part I guess. Also lololololol 69

update 14: electrical fires do not work that way. Good night

update 15: obviously have to get rid of the bra. It’s $30

update 16: so why did he get pulled over? Way to leave that unresolved

update 17: meet these 2 random bros in a strip club and now they’re running everything. Come on

update 18: random cop bro doesn’t know how to put on handcuffs

update 19: and he’s still treated like a nerd

update 20: order of hotness:

1. bossy one
2. stupid one
3. bitchy one
4. the ginger
5. the other one

update 21: anti spring break chick can take number 2 or 3 spot

update 22: and jokes about retards. This movies got everything

update 23: random Mexican time operator probably the best character ever

update 24: oh noes. Evil old businessman

update 25: cop car=beige crown vic with hazards on

update 26: OMG RAIN!!!1! Or some cut grass blown in front of the camera while its super bright outside

update 27: good thing that guy was just walking around. Not cleaning up anything just walking around holding a box of trophies

update 28: ending: what? But it was shut down?

Also what about the other band members? Dead I assume.

And revenge of the nerds dude had a car with Florida plates instead of wherever they live

final review: kinda entertaining. Really stupid. You never see anti spring break chicks boobs. Not good, but also not terrible

1.5 OMGs
2 LOLs

Here Comes The Boom

While the promos made this seem like this was going to be terrible, it really wasn’t bad. The overarching story was pretty weak, but it was funny and entertaining.

2 OMGs
3 LOLs

So Undercover

Pretty bad. Miley Cyrus was terrible. Ari Gold wasn’t good. Chick from Project X was still at least hot. And the plot was pretty bad.

0 OMGs
1/2 LOLs

5 minutes into episode 2 review: tries to be the west wing and a comedy. Fails on both accounts

Episode 1 review: meh

This show is pretty Great (ha ha ha good job!).

Some things to consider while viewing:

1. No one appears to be a “stupid fat cow” in this series. It’s strange, but not off-putting.

2. Mr. Ramsay appears to participate in some cooking competition at the culmination of each episode, featuring etc. etc. etc.

3. I bought some new shirts recently. I understand they’re called “tunics”, but I didn’t read that anywhere.

4. Apparently Tuesdays are best for purchasing men’s clothing deal-wise. Thanks CNN! You’re welcome, Adam!

5. I’ve become sick. Cold maybe? I’m not sure. I sneeze often.

 

I actually found all of the episodes on YouTube. They run about forty-five minutes long, save the pilot which runs for about an hour. Season one Gordon travels India in search of curries. He finds that Indian food in England is terrible compared to genuine Indian food.  I’ll watch him do most anything (heh heh heh gross), but I was really entertained when he harnessed the power of a mighty cow to blaze around a flooded rice paddy. He takes off his shirt, revealing that he does indeed possess a human torso (I had my doubts), and gets in the ankle deep water. Step two: he grabs a harness/plow contraption and gets pulled around going really fast (not really) by two bulls. And hes holding one of their tails! WATCH THIS. WATCH ALL OF IT. IT’S VERY CONFUSING/BORING. Gordon calls ’em bullocks though. Which isn’t bizarre in itself, but I don’t call them bullocks.

In the next season he goes to southeast asia AND HE EATS A TARANTULA. JUST EATS IT FRIED. You get some interesting culinary information, I’m sure, but I’m not taking notes or anything. Look at Gordon Ramsay do things and talk with natives. “Mmmm” “Mmmm” he says that a lot when he likes what he’s eating, for instance. “That’s fucking delicious”. That too. I’m so sick. I need tissues all the time and they’ve become a precious commodity. Such a nuisance. I had to use spell check for that word over there. That “nuisance” word. I no kno wurds gooood n e more albalkdsflkd bsldkjf fdfewsdew

 

Gordon EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIINGGGGGG

It looks like he’s trying to not make eye contact with the camera lens, doesn’t it? But only a little bit, because he’s not too into it. And it looks like he’s trying to unsuccessfully hide whatever he’s eating. But again, he’s not that into it either. ‘Cause I can see your food, Gordon. I can still see your food.

2 OMG’s, 3 LOL’s

 

 

Day 4,

The cold has abated. I can breathe again, mostly. I no longer suffer from the incessant “sneeze-fit”. My sinus doth not protest every waking moment. Also, I am allergic to my pomegranate body wash, because fuck me.