I just like this show, man. It’s a good show. I don’t re-watch it, though. No, sir… Now, let’s get into this review, you stupid fat cows! HA HA!

Firstly, I can’t stress enough how much Kitchen Nightmares isn’t like Ip Man. Mainly because unlike Ip Man, this show is enjoyable (Ip Man is basically an assault on your humanity).

Secondly, Gordon Ramsay… is really cool! (High fives!) He takes these restaurants in the U.K. and these restaurants in the U.S.A., which are kind of deplorable (like Ip Man, actually), and tries to turn them around. Sometimes there are even follow-up’s to previous episodes. And they’re not all success stories! OH NO! Not at all.

Thirdly, blah blah blah blah

In closing, I found Ip Man and all of its subsequent horror show sequels/prequels to be God’s filmified damnation upon human-kind and all that is good and sacred on this Earth. ‘Cause it’s terrrrible! Holy shit have you seen this garbage can of a movie? Can I even call it a movie? Is that profanity? Jesus Christ.

It’s online and stuff! Go watch it!

A billion OMG’s and one singular LOL

Love,

Adam

Let’s pretend that I’ve seen this movie.

I felt, as a professional movie-goer, that this film was superbly crafted. Good job, Christopher Nolan (I call him Chris). Really good job, man. The stuff you had Batman do? Priceless. Such a fantastic way to end your epic trilogy. And what you did with the villain guy…Dane Cook, or whatever? I truly enjoyed the suspenseful build-up to that masterpiece of an ending. I did cry. I laughed.

I also appreciate that you included a cat for a supporting character. It really hit home with me. I was able to relate.

Anyways, from probably your biggest fan ever: Thank you for not making Ip Man, which was a terrible movie. Probably the worst movie ever made.

Sincerely,

Adam

80 OMG’s, 20 LOL’s

So, in this rehash of the Superman film franchise, we find our hero in World War II China (the city is named Foshan). I am thoroughly confused as to why the writers chose China, as I (in my hubris, apparently) assumed Superman was an American superhero. You’ll also notice immediately that they’ve done away with the Clark Kent disguise for some reason. Whatever. Crazy Hollywood (Hong Kong…wood?) at it again.

Superman is clearly a douche for working in a coal mine for so long while his country languishes under the evil Japanese alien overlords. He could easily have saved the day at any point, being Superman and possessing such limitless power. Unless the coal is kryptonite now? Maybe it wasn’t coal at all…dun dun dunnnnn. That’s pretty smart actually — putting Superman to work in a kryptonite mine.

Anyways, he gets upset or something and decides to be Superman again and fights like a billion people at once and stuff, etc. Then finally, who I assume to be General Zod (thanks wikipedia) comes out and challenges him to a one-on-one fight. At this point in the movie the outcome is painfully obvious, because:

1.) Superman never dies

2.) Superman has yet to lose a fight in the film thus far

Oh…wait. Spoiler? I don’t know. Too late!

So anyways, Grade: Two LOL’s and an OMG ’cause I didn’t think they’d make another Superman movie anytime soon.

Here’s the IMDb page for this film

Aaaaand you can watch it on Hulu.com now

America. Fuck yeah!

Adam busts in through the door, “I’m fucking back!”

The imaginary people in the room look around at one another, confused.

Thinking surely, fucking surely they didn’t hear him, he repeats himself: “I’m fucking back!”

He’s panting now. The adrenaline of fucking pure awesome throbbing through his veins. Into his feet and shit, man. It’s wild.

After some silence, one says: “You were gone?”

If Adam were a balloon he would be deflated. FFffffffffzz zzz zz… zzz.

“No. No, I guess I wasn’t,” Adam manages to say despite the growing lump in his throat. The tears welling up in his eyes make it difficult to find the door and leave.

I

AM

FUCKING

BACK

The stock exchange is really pissing me off. Fucking douchebags need to grow the fuck up and stop FREAKING the fuck out. FUCK. LEARN TO HANDLE YOUR FAKE MONEY FUCKBAG.

Sincerely,

Adam

Hurricane Ike did this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKwMiExUKXg

Aside from that, this OMGreporterLOL was without power for several painful hours. All I could do was wonder at what the outside world was doing; what new technology was being discovered and fostered without my assistance and knowledge? what new race of sea-dwelling intelligent creatures had been found on our planetary cousin, Mars? Alas, this OMGreporterLOL was in the dark — literally and figuratively.

Just as all hope was beginning to fade, just as I could make out the faint silhouette of a pale horse and its grim master beckoning me to the Great Beyond, power returned! The faint glow of my bedside lamp lured me back to my bed, where I vigorously masturbated to my collection of hand-drawn “Jody” pictures. Welcome to the jungle.

Sincerely,

Adam

J. J. Abram’s (Lost, Cloverfield) new show ‘Fringe’ is going to become indecipherable. I can already see the path of complication this beast will take. Watch here for high quality freeness: Fringe on Hulu.com

It was okay. One OMG, two LOL’s: One LOL for casting the kid from Mighty Ducks

Sincerely,

Adam xoxo

I’ve finished this book. I’ll give it an OMG because this literary work was not what I expected. It very much had no real plot. I don’t even feel like explaining the plot anymore. So, one OMG.

Sincerely,

Adam xoxo

I will review two bands and a solo artist.

1. the Matches:

This group of four recently (relatively) released their new Album, entitled: A Band In Hope. It sounds like ‘Abandon hope’ if you say it outloud to yourself. The first song is strange. However, the second song, “Their City”, is deserving of four OMG’s as it is good. As is “Clouds Crash”. For these alone I listen to it. Fortunately, there are more.

Rating: Seven out of Fourteen OMG’s, and one LOL. If you comprehend the english language you will find some lyrics to be amusing in regards to choice of word. Intentional or not, I can not say.

2. Babyshambles:

The four people consisting of Babyshambles recently (October 2007) released an Album, entitled: “Shotter’s Nation”. Many of the songs are well received by the ears. Some parts may be strange and lacking in melody, but for the most part, a very mellow and smooth musical album. All songs go with one another and are better for it. A very well crafted album, songs aside.

Rating: Nine out of Twelve OMG’s, although I will not find myself listening to it exclusively for very long.

3. Yelle:

French female who sort of sings. One of her songs was featured on HBO’s show Entourage whilst the troupe was traipsing through their adventures at Cannes Film Festival. Her first hit song was making fun of some french dude’s dick. (Song is “Je Veux Te Voir”). “Ce Jeu” is a joyous infusion of spoken-word and techno-beat (song).

Rating: Four out of Twelve OMG’s.

     “You ate my Cheeto,” said Adam. He held up his right hand, thumb and index finger pressed together (both the color of orange). He spoke thus, angrily: “‘Twas my Cheeto.”

     “I know so,” said James, who had eaten Adam’s Cheeto.

     “Well are you sorry for eating my Cheeto?” inquired Adam, who was at this point furious.

     “I am not!” shouted James.

     “Don’t shout at me!” shouted Adam, waving his index finger and thumb wildy about.

     “Stop fighting!” yelled Jody. Adam and James looked at one another, saddened by what had happened, ashamed at what they had become. Monsters.

     “I…I’m sorry, James,” said Adam, “I should have shared my Cheeto.”

     “I too am sorry,” said James, “For I should not have taken your Cheeto without asking.”

     ‘Twas then that Chad entered the room ‘pon OMGmoviesLOL, the Great War Pony from Yonder. Perched on his left shoulder was a Woot Monkey in a pink cape, perched on his right a Woot Monkey in a blue cape. He said thus: “What is happening here?”

     “Resolution,” said Adam. “Resolution.”